Wow, it’s really been a minute since being here, nearly a year to the day.
Hell, I don’t even know where life was last time I updated my site, it was the pseudo memorial post to Paul, a mentor and friend. I don’t feel like things improved all that much for a while, worse before getting better now that I look at it. Things were unsteady with Jill, getting pushed and pulled back and forth while she did the same with the guy she’d been seeing. My tenants were unable to pay rent on time, and I was too depressed to function at my job, so the house got behind on payments. I lost my job in May, picked up another one in June, lost it in August because of a major depressive episode in while on training in California resulting in a whole mess of problems I’m still sorting through. Needless to say, I’ve been sober for 214 days, and I don’t really miss drinking, it’s been pretty easy. Plus it affects the way my body handles my bipolar medication and leads to more episodes, both depressive and manic. Let’s see, what else… Things between me and Jill are really over and we’re establishing healthy boundaries and just being a good coparenting team. I think that’s the biggest take away from the last year, that chapter is closed and we’re both moving on..
Let’s see, it’s March 7th today, where is life at… I landed a really awesome job, somehow, in October, at a company that works in robotics and AI, so that’s really cool. I was actually in California for training for about 3 months, with weekend breaks in each month for the holidays which was really amazing of them to allow. I am a Senior Field Support Technician, fancy way of saying I babysit the system on site and fix things as quickly as I can so production doesn’t get halted. I’m trying to grow and be better as a person and a parent, been going to therapy for quite a while now, since 2021, been sticking with that. Dating a bit, seeing someone, still really early and I’m in no rush to rush. Jill has moved on and is in a relationship of her own, hence establishing the healthy boundaries and focusing on just being coparents.. it’s tough, can’t lie, it’s like losing one of my best friends, we hardly talk anymore and it’s only ever about the kids, as it should be right now, no more hanging out or helping with all the kids, just our little ones. I’m trying to get back into my hobbies and interests, but honestly, it’s brutal going to work, or rather the commute is brutal, between 1 to 2 hours one way, everyday.. and that’s a clear sky, good weather day.. So by the time I get to the house, it’s quickly throw together dinner, feed the kids, spend a little bit of time with them before putting them to bed. That’s everyday I have to go to the office, which is any day they’re running production, which means getting there at 7am, meaning leaving my house by about a quarter after 5am, drop them off to Jill by 630 at the latest and then getting on site by 7am, earlier the better. I feel like I’m a lot closer to the person I was before my mom died and I was incredibly broken and self serving, but also better than that in a way, because I have more tools than I had then, I have a stronger sense of who I am.
Needless to say, last year was a rough one, on top of a rough previous year, and so on for so many years… I’m working hard this year to move forward with my life, because I can’t keep dwelling in the past, easier said than done, but still, it needs to be done. I’m trying to be a better parent as well, spend time with them when I have them and make memories with them, be more patient.. I also want to get back into my hobbies and interests, like tattooing, art, and photography, I need to make bigger moves with them if I want to succeed, I need to get at least 35-50 nice, quality, printable pieces, both art and photography, up and ready for purchase. I need to get the body of my Z stripped and prepped this year as well, I lost the 1994 Mitsubishi 3000GT, gave it back to my Aunt, so really the only focus I have is my Z and it needs to start getting going before another 10 years pass me by. I need to get my nest egg rebuilt and credit back up, because it nosedived hard last year.. What else do I hope to accomplish…? Maybe get that cold storage room made into an actual room would be nice haha.. And of course, I want to do better about working on my site, get some prints set up and figured out, you know, the ever constant goal with this thing.
Anyway, later days.
PS, even though I started this point on the 7th of March, it is now the 4th of April… oops!
“I believe in the future (I believe in the future)
I don’t believe in miracles
Can it be true?!
It must be true, no doubt! (no doubt!)
Life is going on as normally as ever
But suddenly something seems to have happened
(Suddenly something seems to have happened)
Everybody seems to be staring in one direction
People seem to be frightened, even terrified”