Life is funny in the sense that it takes all sorts of twists and turns..
I seen Her, at karaoke night, it was known she was going to be there, I knew she was going to be there. I decided to run the show, though I admit I was pretty nervous to see her, my nerves already shot from the past few weeks, the nonstop action and drama that seems to follow me. I put on a smile, played nice, and it was like nothing had ever changed. She looked like nothing had ever changed, but like so much has changed for me, I'm sure countless things are different for her too. A part of me missed her, the way you'd miss anyone you hadn't seen in a while, especially someone you dated, but a lot more of me was indifferent than I thought it would be. I'd said I'd moved on, and it was reassuring that I had, reminded me to focus on my own stuff and do something with myself. It's been a few weeks since I've been out of work, about time to change that, or change something.
Like the last time I seen her wasn't the going away party we threw at my house.
Like the last time we talked on the phone, I was still on my backpacking trip.
Like the last time we texted, she didn't say she she wasn't interested in even being friends.
We joked around, we sang, friends came to visit and eventually she and Molly left and I took down the show, with help from Kelly. I faced something that just added so much stress and made me so nervous to go through, I faced it and smiled, she smiled back. Funny
We all make impulsive decisions at times, we all make terrible mistakes. Dating her wasn't a mistake, though things I did were definitely foolish, there were many hard lessons learned.. My hands still hurt from time to time, I made quite a mess of things the night she left only last summer, though it feels like a long time ago, a story from my hopeful, and ignorant, selfish youth. Maybe one day we'll really be friends again, maybe not, in any case, I'm not stressed about it, I've grown because of it. Needless to say, I learned a lot, and I don't ever want a repeat of this, something unintentionally so one-sided, something that moved much too quickly.
I miss my car.
““There’s no poetry between us”
said the paper to the pen
something’s burning in the attic
that her tongue will not defend
through the arc of conversation
past the teeth behind the smile
down the miracle mile
to the bottom of the ladder
paint your eyes and hide the tatters
what’s the matter baby?
could we go downtown
to the middle of the world?
you were always such a pretty girl
and you told me I was beautiful”