Man, this is hard.. Today is the wake, and tomorrow is the funeral.. At one of them I’m set to say a few words about my cousin, I tried and tried to think of the right words to sum up this person, my cousin, my little brother, my partner in crime, my best friend… and I realized, it’s going to take more than a few words.
“Asking one to sum up my cousin Andrew is no easy task; I think if you were to put it simply, the words of the song The Joker by Steve Miller Band could give you an idea, “I’m a picker, I’m a grinner, I’m a lover and I’m a sinner, I play my music in the sun, I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a midnight toker.” But in all seriousness, Andrew was more than, will always be more than, just a few phrases. Andrew was a son, an Uncle, a nephew, cousin, and friend; unyielding in his own ideals, ideals that didn’t stereotype others, that cared about everyone, everything, especially his family and friends. I’m sure many, if not all of us here, have a story of Andrew being right in the thick of it with you, the good or the bad, didn’t matter, he would be there. Andrew was my younger cousin, the little brother I never had, the rock when I needed stability when things got tough.
I remember times I would wake him up and climb in through the window, just stressed from life, being an angsty teenager that I was, and he would tell me about what him and his friends were up to, what stuff they did, and he’d make me laugh. That was the thing about Andrew, he could just make me laugh when I needed it. He would be right at my side for whatever crazy idea I’d come up with for us to make some money. We shoveled snow, walking all over Sunset, Roy, Clinton, being under dressed and risking frostbite, or pushing his dad’s lawn mower in the middle of summer, trying to mow lawns. One summer we shoveled piles of gravel, just so we could pool our money together to buy God of War on PS2, I had to buy it because I was older. That was the thing about Andrew, he wouldn’t fuss over who had what or how much money we made, we were a team, he was always riding on the pegs of my bike, and he always had my back. Not just mine though, he watched out for everyone, he was just that kind of guy.
He was strong, but always had a soft spot for animals, his dogs were his siblings, his kids, he’d wrestle with them, argue with them, he’d lay on the floor with with them, hell, sometimes he’d eat on the floor with them. I think Andrew identified with his Pit Bulls; they look hard on the outside, but they’re just big kids, unless someone wants to harm their friends or family. They’re Protectors, that was him too.
I can’t count all the crazy, stupid, reckless things we got up to growing up, memories I’ll forever cherish, and tell my kids about when they’re a bit older, about my cousin Andrew, my little brother, the rock, the stability, the joker, the midnight toker.
We used plywood to slide down a ladder from his window. We played cowboys and Indians with a bb gun and bow and arrow, he got me right in the forehead with the blunt arrow, so I shot him in the toe with the bb gun. We lit firecrackers inside a soda can right in front of a police officer. We drove too fast in my Z, drove too fast in his 3000GT, drove too fast in the wrong gear in the Geo when I was learning how to drive. He was with me in my first car accident, did the head bobble thing from Night at the Roxbury and made me laugh afterward. We hung out at Smith’s wwaaayyyy too much, trying to flirt with girls, being obnoxious junior high kids, trying to race chugging eggnog, those half gallon jugs, yeah it’s a race nobody wins… We made a firepit in my parent’s backyard, we’d get on the roof and look at the stars.
I think I’ll miss times like that the most; climbing in through his window to wake him up to shoot the shit, getting the random text or call to hear him say his car was being weird or his laptop wasn’t working, if I could come take a look at it for him.
It was often my job to help him fix what broke, we even had plans to start on his car and laptop last Saturday, I was going to bring my daughter and make a day of it… Don’t wait for an occasion to see the people you love, call family, call friends, be present when you’re with them. Opportunities like that seem to disappear the older you get, so take those opportunities every chance you get. If we could all be a little bit more like Andrew, we’d probably laugh more, care more, and be there for each other more, and I think he’d like that.
We tried smoking rolled up paper when we were kids, because we thought that’s what cigarettes were.
We took turns driving while the other was on the hood.
We tried to give each other prison tattoos when we were younger.
We wrote obscenities in the snow on people’s lawns in the middle of the night.
We had a sword fight, with a real sword, I still have the scar from that.
I hit him with a weedwhacker, so he hit me with a golf club, I still have that scar too.
We lit firecrackers and I got stuck with one to the side of me, I still can’t hear that well out of my left ear.
We rode around on my bicycle so much the pegs bent the axel; can’t even count how many times we crashed on it trying to do tricks or showing off.
I drop kicked him into the snow when we were at school in front of a girl he had a crush on, he was fine but she walked away after that.
We almost lit our rooms on fire, on multiple occasions, I feel like a firework may have been involved in one of these instances.
We tried to eat 50 McNuggets a piece, I won.
At Sunset Jr High I snuck into one of his classes he had a substitute teacher and we told them I was a new student.
I taught him how to edit HTML to make his grades look better when he printed them off.
We went swimming at the Roy Rec Center so much one summer we got chlorine burns all over.
We topped out my Z on the freeway trying to see how fast we could get to The Gateway in SLC; I want to say it was 26 minutes.
We ran out of gas on South Weber Dr in the middle of the night and had to push my grandpa’s old truck for what felt like hours, it was in the days before cellphones were commonplace.
He tipped the ATV over with my Aunt on it and we all tried to play it off like nothing happened, my Uncle was unconvinced, all the blood probably gave it away.
We talked to a ghost and got it to knock answers back to us. Apparently, it was really active after that, oops.
I finished his shoulder tattoo after actually learning how to tattoo.
He bought me a book when we were younger, Shogun, because he knew how obsessed with Japan I was, and still am.
We used to tell our teachers and his friends I was his older brother when we were at school, a good number of people believed it.”
That’s what I’m going to say, the best way I can sum up my cousin, I omitted a few things here and there because those are memories I’ll save for me. Andrew will be sorely missed, nothing is going to change that, nothing is going to feel the same without him here. I can’t count the number of times in a day I see something funny while driving or rewatch a stupid movie we thought was the best thing ever and want to shoot him a picture or a text. I made a few promises to my Auntie Anna, that I would fix his Mitsubishi 3000GT SL, and that I wouldn’t let his ex be at the funeral.. His ex was cruel when they split, I pray she doesn’t show her face and she can be respectful to our family. Everyone is worried about me, I don’t know if I mentioned that in the other post I made, but yeah, my depression is public knowledge in my family, it’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time.. My Aunt Theresa made me promise I wasn’t going anywhere, that we couldn’t do this again, and I have my kids to look after. My siblings have checked up on me multiple times, my dad, Jill, even an old friend I hadn’t heard from in a long time, Shaelynn. I’m still pretty numb, like when you get hit real hard and you have those few moments before all the pain hits when you know it’s going to hurt like a bitch but you’re trying to breath through it, putting one foot in front of the other..
My brother asked me to tattoo him after the wake, before the funeral, to give him a tattoo my cousin had, and I told him I would. It’s a couple hours before I need to head north and need to get my bag packed, my daughter’s bag packed, and my tattoo equipment packed, so I guess that’s where I’ll leave it for now. I am so thankful for Jill for being so supportive through this, she’ll be coming with me to the wake and funeral, be there for me while my family grieves in the way we do, and to help hold me up when I start to buckle, because I know I will.
Cherish those you love, be mindful and present of the moments you have with them, opportunities to be with them can slip away before you know it.
Later days.
“I’m a picker
I’m a grinner
I’m a lover, and I’m a sinner
L play my music in the sun
I’m a joker
I’m a smoker
I’m a midnight toker
I sure don’t want to hurt no one”