So I promised a story of my life, I believe, and I suppose I should add a chapter about it..
I am currently 27 years old, living in my parent's basement, working a job I hate, trying to get through the day to day business that is existing. A year ago today, life was very different, hell, a few months ago today, life was something I wouldn't even recognize..
November 2015, I was fresh in the business of being a male erotic dancer, a stripper, doing photography for adult events, and interviewing for a very nice job. I had just moved in to my parent's house, more to help them than any reason I would need to live here, they were both to have surgery to fix different medical issues.. Long story short, I got the job, Electromechanical Technician repairing flat panels for x-ray imaging devices, but the day I was to start, my mother passed away.
Thanksgiving night 2015, my mom aspirated and went into cardiac arrest, by the time the nurses and doctors did their job, it was too late and when they did finally revive her, brain activity was pretty well zilch.. I remember spending Thanksgiving with an ex's family, the Sikes residence, and getting a frantic call from my dad, to come quickly to the hospital because my mom had gone into cardiac arrest and it wasn't looking good, to hurry and come say goodbye with the family. I had just been visiting earlier in the day, telling her I got the job she was so proud of me for landing.. and now I was rushing back, driving without a driver license, pushing to get to the hospital. I got there and she was in a coma, brain activity wasn't looking good, I was the 2nd to arrive, followed by my sister, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and eventually my brother.. it was a long night, the morning crept by and we had to make a decision, and we did.
After I lost my mother, I went to work for my first day, trying to put on the best show I could, trying to will something different instead of what was.. but when I got to my first break, institutionally my hand pulled out my phone and dialed my mom.. I spent the rest of my break and lunch in my truck, crying.. I texted my boss and told him I couldn't do it and left for the day.. I would later lose the job because of lack of attendance, due to the funeral prepping, being with family, grieving, and soon after my mother's passing, my grandmother would as well, so needless to say, I missed a lot of work.
Six months later, life changed again, after constant pull from friends, one in particular named Molly, I emerged from life of constantly working and ignoring anything else to do Karaoke, Cosplay Karaoke to be more accurate.. which happened to fall on my 27th Birthday, a day so much would change.. I would meet someone that would become very special to me, I would again see reason to have reason to dream, would again feel love, and I again be there for my friends.. Whom I'll be leaving shortly for an adventure which very well may be the last time I see any of them. Wish I'd gotten to see Her one more time..
Today, I will give my friends the link to this website, get feedback, and improve it, hopefully. This will be my main way of letting everyone know how I'm doing, what I'm up to, where I've been, and where I'm headed. I miss my mom, my miss my brother, and I miss Her, but I need to let go of all of them if I'm to heal, you can't carry anchors if you don't want to drown.
I have a lot to do, before this trip and while I'm on it, and I'm trying hard to focus on the things that matter, and not the things I cannot change or no longer have.. but damn is it hard! I feel this trip will be the end of things, I wonder if it will be the end of me.
“Come and sit by my side if you love me;
Do not hasten to bid me adieu,
But remember the Red River Valley,
And the girl that has loved you so true.
I’ve been thinking a long time, my darling,
Of the sweet words you never would say,
Now, alas, must my fond hopes all vanish?
For they say you are going away.
Won’t you think of the valley you’re leaving,
Oh, how lonely and sad it will be,
Just think of the fond heart you’re breaking,
And the grief you are causing to me.”