Oh what is there to say? I feel like I’m starting a lot of these like this… I don’t even remember what I last posted about.
Started moving things into the new house, it’s a slow process, need to clean the house, paint the rooms, etc, before putting anything actually in it. I’m not as excited as I hoped I would be, just feels a little empty I guess, only maybe two friends know about the house, none have seen it in person and likely won’t. Family has helped a ton moving stuff to the house, they all really like it, so that’s been nice to hear. I really just want to be there full time, able to work on my projects, the house, and be comfortable… someday.
It’s 4pm at work on Tuesday, August 24th, night before the long drive to California, a trip that is unfortunately not going to be a fun one. Funeral for a friend, she was like a big sister to me, in reality the big sister to one of my childhood best friends.. It’s not easy losing a family member, my heart breaks for his family, this is not going to be a fun trip.. These trips to California never seem to be these days, last time was to see my son for the last time after his mom took him to California shortly after he was born.. they’re in Alabama now or something, I don’t know if I’ll get to see him again anytime soon, or if he’ll even know who I am. I actually seen him at the house of the family I’m going to the funeral for, this isn’t the way I wanted to see them again.. This family was like a second family for me, we practically lived at each other’s houses growing up. Deep breaths..
I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but there’s this thing I wrote on one of my boards at work: “Maybe tomorrow is a lie we tell ourselves to get through today.” It really feels spot on these days, I’m hanging in there, I’m tired, but I’m hanging in there..
Later days.
“In many ways, they’ll miss the good old days
Someday
Someday
Yeah, it hurts to say, but I want you to stay
Sometimes
Sometimes
……
……
Oh, someday
No, I ain’t wasting no more time
And now my fears they come to me in threes
Sometimes
Say, fate, my friend, you say the strangest things
I find, sometimes
Oh, Maya says I’m lacking in depth
Shit, I will try my best
You say you want to stand by my side”