An open letter to those that are no longer here.
To those that are gone, know I still think of you.
To those that are gone, know some pain will never heal.
To those that are gone, know I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused.
Some I will never forgive, some I will never understand, some I will likely never hear from again.
To you, I understand where I went wrong with things, but I will never understand how you played your part so well and cut things out so completely, or why. You will likely never read this. You did make the Best Mixed CD Ever.
To you, I am truly sorry, I think on it often. Not even a day after you sent your letter, I read it, and have continued to reread it from time to time, lingering on it is like reopening a fresh wound; I hope you heal, I will carry this. I don’t deserve to talk to you, so I don’t let myself. I did email you, a short response saying I’d seen you, surprised it took that long to glimpse you on the road.
To you, good luck, you made your choice, I had made mine, no right or wrong; however the way I’ve been ostracized for MY CHOICE, is wrong. I trust fewer now because of this, because of all the backs turned on me.
And to you, and your little ones, I’m sorry I wasn’t ready for what life was with you. I think I’ll be carrying this weight for a long while.. I hope someday we can be friends and I can be there for you and the kids. You’ve never read this, said it would be hard to hear of this life lived without you, time and feelings spent on others.
“If I stand too close I might fall in
But if I’m too far gone I’ll never win
If you believe in me I might just want
To spend some time with you again
I’m afraid I tend to disappear
Into an anxious state when you draw near
There is no reasoning it’s quite a silly thing
But it’s the way I’ve been for years
So I will understand if you don’t stay
They say I’m great at first but then the magic fades
Into an awful hue of dismal views and pessimistic attitude”